How to Pray With Your Spouse When It Feels Awkward

By Pastor Duke Taber Apr 25, 2026 0CategoryChristianityTag - Marriage

By Duke Taber

In This Article

You know the feeling. Your spouse reaches for your hand and suggests you pray together — and something tightens in your chest. Your mind races. What do I even say? What if I say it wrong? What if I cry? What if they judge me? A long pause fills the room. One of you mumbles something about being tired, and the moment passes. Again.

If that scene sounds familiar, you are not alone. In fact, it describes the vast majority of Christian marriages. Surveys consistently find that fewer than 8% of Christian couples pray together on a regular basis — and the awkwardness of it is the most commonly cited reason why. Couples who love God, love each other, and genuinely want a deeper spiritual life together still find themselves standing at the edge of this practice, unable to take the step.

This article is for those couples. It is not a lecture about what you should be doing. It is a pastoral guide for getting past the wall — understanding why the wall exists, what God says about what’s on the other side, and how to walk through it together.

Why Praying Together Feels So Uncomfortable

Let me be honest with you about something I have observed in years of ministry: prayer is the most intimate thing two people can do together. More intimate than you might think. As marriage researcher Tony DiLorenzo puts it, praying together can be more intimate than sex — because when your spouse hears you pray, they are getting a window directly into your soul. They are hearing your deepest fears, your most honest confessions, your most vulnerable requests.

Most of us have never shared our prayers with another living person. Prayer has been private — between us and God alone. Opening that interior world to your spouse suddenly feels like undressing spiritually in front of someone. Even someone you love deeply. Perhaps especially someone you love deeply, because their opinion of you matters so much.

This is the core of the awkwardness: prayer is vulnerability, and vulnerability is risk. Risk of being seen. Risk of feeling inadequate. Risk of saying the wrong thing and having your spouse mentally grade you. Risk that your spouse will use prayer as a passive-aggressive way to deliver a message meant for you more than for God (a temptation we will address later in this article).

Research from Legacy Marriage Resources identifies several other common reasons couples avoid praying together: different levels of faith and spiritual comfort, past negative experiences with rigid or performance-based prayer, unresolved conflict that makes vulnerability feel unsafe, and simply not knowing how to begin. None of these reasons make a couple spiritually deficient. They make a couple human.

The awkwardness is not a sign that something is wrong with your marriage or your faith. It is a sign that this practice is significant — and that it asks something real of you.

What God’s Word Says About Married Prayer

Before moving to practical steps, we need to ground ourselves in Scripture. Because the call to pray together as a married couple is not merely a self-help strategy. It is a theological reality rooted in who God is and what he designed marriage to be.

Jesus gave us his most explicit teaching on the power of agreement in prayer when he said:

“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” — Matthew 18:19–20 (NKJV)

The context here is broader than marriage, but what an extraordinary promise to bring into a husband and wife standing together before God. When two people who have become one flesh agree in prayer, the presence of Christ is promised to be among them. That is not a poetic sentiment. That is a spiritual reality.

The Apostle Peter addressed married prayer directly:

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” — 1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)

Peter’s warning here is striking: the way a husband treats his wife has a direct effect on the effectiveness of his prayers. Marriage and prayer are not separate compartments. The relational atmosphere of a home either opens or closes the door of heaven for that couple. A husband who dishonors his wife does not simply damage the marriage — he hinders his own prayer life. The two are bound together.

Paul’s instruction in Philippians speaks to what a shared prayer life cultivates:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:6–7 (NKJV)

This peace — the peace that surpasses understanding — is not merely a private possession. When two people practice this together, it becomes the atmosphere of a marriage. A couple that prays regularly does not stop having problems. But they carry those problems differently, together, under a canopy of God’s peace.

Finally, the Bible study for marriage at AnsweredFaith.com reminds us that Ecclesiastes frames the spiritual principle powerfully:

“Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” — Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NKJV)

A marriage built on prayer is that threefold cord — husband, wife, and God woven together. That kind of union does not snap easily under pressure.

What Happens When Couples Don’t Pray Together

I want to say this plainly, not to heap guilt on anyone, but because I care too much to be vague: the couples I have watched drift apart over the years almost always had the same thing in common. They were functioning well in the physical and emotional dimensions of their marriage, but their spiritual life as a couple had gone quiet.

According to a Gallup-cited study by the National Association of Marriage Enhancement, when couples pray together daily, fewer than 1 out of 1,152 marriages end in divorce. That is a fraction of a percent. By contrast, the general divorce rate hovers near 50%. And University of Texas research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who pray together experience higher rates of forgiveness, trust, relational happiness, emotional fidelity, and even effective conflict resolution than couples who do not.

These statistics are not magic formulas. They are simply the measurable fruit of what happens when God is genuinely invited into the center of a marriage. Prayer does not make hard marriages easy. But it does make hard marriages navigable. It gives both spouses access to a grace larger than their own frustration, fear, or stubbornness.

When prayer is absent from a marriage, the spiritual distance that forms quietly spreads. It finds its way from the spirit into the heart, and from the heart into the bedroom and the dinner table and the arguments. Couples who “function” but do not pray together often describe feeling like roommates — present, competent, but not truly joined.

The good news is that the path back is simpler than most couples expect. It begins not with a perfect prayer, but with a willing heart.

Practical Steps for Praying Together When It Feels Awkward

Start Smaller Than You Think You Should

The most common mistake couples make when trying to begin praying together is aiming too high too fast. They imagine lengthy, eloquent prayers at a scheduled time every morning — and when reality falls short of that vision, they conclude that it is not working.

Marriage therapists and prayer coaches consistently agree: start with one minute. Literally sixty seconds. Hold hands. Say one or two honest sentences out loud to God — about what you are grateful for, what you are worried about, what you need. That is a prayer. It counts. And it is a foundation you can build on.

The Gottman Institute’s research on couples confirms that consistent rituals of connection — even brief ones — build relational security over time. A thirty-second daily prayer is worth more than a forty-five-minute prayer that happens once a month.

Consistency is more important than eloquence. God does not require you to sound like Charles Spurgeon. He requires your presence and your honesty.

Embrace Imperfection Out Loud

One of the most freeing things you can do when beginning to pray with your spouse is to name the awkwardness before you start. Say it: “This feels weird to me. I’m not sure I’ll say it right. But I want to do this with you.” That honesty instantly reduces the pressure.

The Fierce Marriage podcast captured this well: the awkwardness of praying together often reveals that our attention is on ourselves — how we sound, how we come across — rather than on God. The fix is not to become better at prayer. The fix is to remember that you are talking to a Person who already knows everything in your heart, and who loves you without condition.

Scripture anchors this beautifully:

“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” — Romans 8:26 (NKJV)

The Holy Spirit covers what your words cannot. You do not have to get it right. You just have to show up.

Pray for Your Spouse, Not at Them

This is perhaps the most practically important guideline for couples who are new to praying together — and one that saves many a prayer time from becoming passive-aggressive warfare.

Do not use prayer as a delivery system for grievances. When you pray out loud, your words should build up your spouse, not subtly critique them. “God, help my husband finally understand what I’ve been trying to tell him” is not a prayer — it is a complaint with Jesus as the referee.

Focus on the Family’s research on marital prayer identifies three types of prayer that strengthen marriage: daily prayer, conflict-moment prayer (praying together during or right after a disagreement to de-escalate), and healing prayer after a crisis. In all three contexts, the posture that matters most is praying toward reconciliation and blessing, not maneuvering for position.

When you pray for your spouse in their presence — genuinely, tenderly, speaking their name before God with care — something changes in the room. It is very difficult to stay hardened against someone who is interceding for you with sincerity. This is the softening power of shared prayer.

Use Scripture as Your Starting Point

If you genuinely do not know what to say, praying with Bible verses is a practice that removes much of the pressure. Instead of generating original spiritual content, you are simply agreeing with what God has already said.

You might hold a verse you have been reading and pray it back together: “Lord, you said that you work all things together for good for those who love you. We believe that. Help us trust it in the situation we’re facing this week.” That is a complete, powerful, Scripture-grounded prayer. It took fifteen seconds.

Bible verses about prayer and Bible verses about praying for marriage are excellent places to gather raw material. Many couples keep a simple list on their nightstand. You do not need to be creative every evening. You need to be faithful.

Establish a Rhythm, Not a Ritual

The difference between a rhythm and a ritual is life. A ritual is a performance we go through. A rhythm is a practice that breathes and bends with real life.

Find a natural time that works for your actual schedule — not the schedule you wish you had. Before bed, after the kids go down, in the car before a difficult day, over morning coffee. The specific time matters far less than the consistency. Research confirms that only about 4% of Christian couples pray together daily. Becoming one of those couples does not require a dramatic overhaul of your life. It requires identifying one small window and choosing to protect it.

When the rhythm breaks — and it will, because life is unpredictable — do not treat it as a failure. Simply pick it up again. The couples who succeed at this are not the couples who never miss a day. They are the couples who keep returning.

Create Emotional Safety Around Prayer Time

Legacy Marriage Resources notes that one of the most significant barriers to shared prayer is unresolved conflict. It is very hard to be vulnerable in prayer when there is unspoken hurt between you. This does not mean you must resolve every issue before you pray together. But it does mean that your prayer time should never become a place where one spouse feels judged, lectured, or spiritually managed.

After you pray together, offer a word of genuine encouragement. “I appreciated you praying about that.” “It helps me to hear you bring that before God.” This simple habit builds the emotional safety that makes vulnerability possible next time.

When there is active conflict, the Bible study on marriage at AnsweredFaith.com offers this timeless wisdom from Paul:

“Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” — Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV)

A brief, honest prayer during or after an argument — “God, we don’t have this figured out. Help us be kind. Help us listen.” — is not a formula for instant resolution. But it is an act of shared humility that creates space for God to work.

Let One Person Lead — and Switch Over Time

Many couples feel paralyzed by the question of who should pray first or who should lead. The simplest answer: start with one person carrying the full weight of it, and let the other simply say “Amen.” Over time, as comfort grows, the other can begin to add a sentence. Eventually both are praying freely.

Husbands especially may feel the weight of Peter’s instruction in 1 Peter 3:7 — the call to be an heir together of the grace of life. That language is an invitation to spiritual partnership. A husband who leads his wife in prayer is not performing a religious duty. He is doing something profoundly masculine in the truest biblical sense: he is providing spiritual covering for his home.

But this does not mean wives must wait for husbands to initiate. I have seen many marriages where the wife took the initiative for years until the husband grew into the practice. Both paths are valid. What matters is that someone moves.

What If My Spouse Won’t Pray With Me?

This is the hardest question, and it deserves a direct answer.

If your spouse is resistant — whether they are a quieter believer, a skeptic, or simply deeply uncomfortable — do not use guilt as a lever. Revival and Reformation’s marriage resources wisely counsel: be hopeful, not guilting. Invite with warmth. If they decline, stay cheerful. Begin praying privately for them. Invite again another time.

You can also start with a low-stakes entry point: simply ask if you can pray a sentence for them before they leave for work, or ask them to listen while you pray — no participation required. Presence without pressure is a bridge that many resistant spouses eventually walk across.

The Bible study on prayer at AnsweredFaith.com reminds us of the power of long faithfulness. Hannah prayed alone for years before her prayer was answered. God is not absent from the prayers of a spouse who prays in faith, even when the other is not yet ready to join.

If you are in this season, take courage from this:

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” — James 5:16 (NKJV)

Your prayers on behalf of your spouse and your marriage are not wasted. They are not bouncing off the ceiling. They are falling on the ears of a God who holds your marriage in his hands.

Prayer and the Gospel of Your Marriage

There is a deeper theological reason why married prayer matters so much — and it is rooted in what marriage is actually for.

Paul writes in Ephesians 5 that the marriage of a husband and wife is meant to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and his church. It is not simply a social arrangement or a legal contract. It is a living parable, written in real time, that the watching world can read.

When a couple prays together, they are not just maintaining a spiritual discipline. They are enacting, in miniature, the great reality that the church comes before its Lord — dependent, honest, needy, beloved. They are practicing together the posture that will characterize all of eternity: creatures in joyful communion with their Creator.

This is why prayer does not merely hold a marriage together. Prayer shapes a marriage into something it could not become on its own. As the Institute for Family Studies research summarizes, God becomes a “marriage advocate” — a transcendent gravitational presence who draws a couple toward each other as they draw toward him together.

The awkwardness you feel is not a signal that you are doing it wrong. It is a signal that you are crossing a threshold. And on the other side of that threshold is a kind of intimacy — spiritual, emotional, and ultimately physical — that most couples spend their whole lives looking for.

“And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” — John 14:13 (NKJV)

God glorified. Marriage deepened. Couple transformed. All of it, accessed through the simple, stumbling, imperfect act of two people folding their hands and choosing to turn toward God together.

Start This Week

The research, the Scripture, and the pastoral wisdom all point in the same direction. Here is what you can actually do in the next few days:

Tonight: Hold your spouse’s hand before bed and say one sentence out loud to God — a thank-you, a need, or a worry. That is the whole assignment.
This week: Choose a consistent time that fits your actual schedule, not an ideal one.
Name the awkwardness: Tell your spouse you know it might feel strange, and that you want to do it anyway.
Pray for your spouse by name — about something specific you know they are carrying.
Use a Scripture verse as your starting point if words don’t come. Try one of these Bible verses for difficult moments.

You do not need to fix the awkwardness before you start. The awkwardness is part of the starting. Keep showing up, keep reaching for each other’s hand, keep saying honest words to a God who is already there.

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” — James 5:16 (NKJV)

Your marriage was not designed to be carried alone. Neither were your prayers.

Resources

The awkward prayer you say tonight might be the most important thing you do for your marriage this year. If this article encouraged you, share it with a couple you love.

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